Loose Rigidity

I think I’ve set the standards too high for what I want to do.
It’s going to be pretty much impossible at this point to satisfy every rule I’ve placed upon myself.
All this expected action is leading ultimately to non-action.

I can’t be so black and white.
I can’t let everyone else play in the gray area,
while I remain untouched, unscathed and un-dirty.
Gonna have to start smearing dirt on my face.
Or kill two birds with one stone.
And do a clay mask.
(This stuff smells great by the way.)

Where have my animal instincts gone?
Where is my drive to survive?
Why can’t I find her anywhere?
When did I kill her?
Who forced my hand?

I can’t go on like this.

It seems it’d be much easier to act as a Taoist would.
The path of least resistance.
Non-striving.
Effortless.
Nature.
Flow.

So human nature.
With certain virtues in place?
Now I’m back at square one.
Maybe I should just study Machiavelli.
The Darker Prince.

How do I bend?
How do I become like water?
How do I relax self-judgement?

Best not to ruminate too much now.

Someone,
please help!

I’ve forgotten how to live.
=(

Because the dead don’t sleep.

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