Karma

There are only two people in this world who I have no well wishes for.
I harbour no ill intentions however.
Nor will I purposely act out of spite.

The first is a woman who was a family friend for well over a decade.
She’d swindled us out of five digits of savings.
I haven’t seen her in years.
She doesn’t dare to contact us.
My brother and I were discussing her in the car this morning.
My mother informed us that she is very sick now.
That she spends most of her money on cures.
We laugh at her misfortune.
I feel no sympathy for her situation.

The second is a boy who I put up with for over three years.
What prompted me to do so?
I do not know.
What I’ve learned from that whole ordeal is that not everyone is a good person.
And that some people will take advantage of your kindness and sense of responsibility.
That their misery alone is not enough and that they need others to line their coffins.
It’s been such a long journey to reclaim what I’ve lost during that time.
Some days I feel myself slipping back into old thought patterns.

I have nothing but gratitude for the person who got me out of that situation.
And absolutely no remorse for what I had to do to leave.

Had I known then, the knowledge I know today.
I would have noticed all the signs in the beginning and ran the fuck the other way.
Once in a blue moon,
a certain rage will erupt within me.
But there’s nothing I can do about it now.
The time has passed for me to defend myself.
And there’s nothing left to destroy.

I avenge myself by being happy today.

I bought myself the last thing I wanted but didn’t need today.
I love shopping.
But I am not frivolous.
Nor am I wasteful.
I like giving myself the things I’ve never had.
But have always wanted.

And sometimes,
a want is actually a need.

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